My time of cleansing is over and the last and probably my most important part was the cleansing of my spirit. I needed to do it because I felt a disconnect from the Creator. My years with my husband were not for the better. I became more like him instead of him like me. I lost some of my empathy. I prayed less. I lived a life of the world and my spirit suffered.
I had been feeling the need to get back with God and had begun the steps in the path but the month of March helped me put things in focus.
I remember. I remember the closeness I felt to God. I remember my total absolute belief in his power. I remember always knowing that no matter what, God would take care of me. I remember praying not because I had to but because it was as natural as breathing.
March began to give me that back. I am more comfortable with prayer again. I feel the Creator’s presence around me. The tingle as I pray of the Spirit. I listen to that inner voice that is here to guide me on a better path and actually listen and do. My Bible readings are teaching me that man is imperfect and the challenges we face have been around for millennia. It is how we choose to act that makes us a better person.
My spirit needed to be scrubbed clean. I had to get rid of the person I had become to become the person I am meant to be. No I haven’t had a burning bush moment. No I haven’t got happy and become saved. What I have become is a child of God again, a vessel of his undying love. What more could I ask for?
Category: The March Cleansing
The emotional side of cleansing is harder than the physical. Physically I can change my eating habits, work out more and Voila! My body will begin to transform. Emotions are about finding a depth of honesty to you and sometimes it is easier to lie to yourself than be truthful. Sometimes what is buried deep inside is so painful that you just want to forget or act like it never existed. However the month of March was about facing fear and losing and gaining all at the same time. Am I done? Am I whole again? No to both questions but I am better and in life that is all you can ask for, a little better to get you through the day.
The beginning of March found me looking at who I have become. I had lost my personal joy. I could fake it for a spell but in the early morning hours the real me would come through. The anger, the hopelessness, the disillusionment was all a real part of my subconscious. So to clear myself I took time to first examine my feelings and then think about the root cause of those feelings. It can be exhausting.
Next it is about releasing those negative emotions and finding a way that works. So I began looking into various methods. Noetic science which is the science of the consciousness, it speaks on how belief can shape matter. I spent time working on my intuition and opening my consciousness up to really feel. Two particular exercises use fairies and butterflies and I was immediately drawn to them because they speak to the fantasy, beauty of life. I read up on chakras and know my fourth and fifth chakras are out of whack. My heart chakra has been deeply wounded and that is where my healing lies. I must learn to forgive and not see the ugly in everybody but the beauty that I once believed existed in us all. My throat chakra was dry and parched. I did not speak the truth to myself and its spin slowed down. I now understand that writing has been my way of balancing my throat chakra. I found a chakra balancing chant and saying it has brought a levelness that I have not felt in awhile. Breath exercises and venting have been explored. Reiki is an option but takes faith in the person laying their hands and I don’t know if I have that faith just yet. Soon when time and money permits I will indulge in massage because I feel that the act of laying still and my body being kneaded will release some of this pressure that exists in me. I want to breathe deeply and feel my body let go.
Finally the end but there is no end. This process is about healing and 31 days is not enough time to say I am well. It is enough time to really look at who I am and begin to make changes. This is about becoming whole, lighter. I am tired of the heaviness that has filled me. This weight is heavier than any pound of flesh I wish to shed. It is the weight of disappointment and sarcasm. It is the pounds of despair that fill me. It is the copious ounces of tears I have shed in the last few years. I am ready for this weight loss so I will work through this no matter how much I would rather just bury my emotions and pretend that everything is all right. Because at the end of the day my heart will not survive if I don’t.
31 days have come and gone and surprise, surprise I am still alive. I didn’t gnaw off my arm or mug anybody for their Harold’s fried chicken. I made it through a month of change not denial. By no means was it easy but it wasn’t as hard as I thought. I have learned to love vegetables more and need meat less. I can do without chips and sugar and won’t become a purveyor of expletives in my dark hours of cravings. I feel healthier, cleaner. The toxins that filled my body were purged. My skin looks better and I lost some weight along the way. I can’t say how much because I don’t have a scale but I do know my waist is smaller, my hips have shrunk some and my stomach is beginning to look like the stomach I know and love. My challenge this month was not only diet but working out. I was unable to be as active because of my knee issues. So I did as much as possible while healing.
Now that this month is over I plan to be a person of moderation. Four days of the week will be vegetarian. Before the thought of not eating meat was ludicrous but now it is no big deal. I had already changed to whole grains instead of processed years ago. Brown rice is a staple in my pantry and if I have pasta it is whole wheat. My love of beans has not changed however I no longer need smoked turkey and corn bread every time. A bowl of lentils and black beans spiced with curry, ginger, turmeric and cumin is tasty on its own. I still love cheese but will limit my intake while still indulging. Cupcakes and cookies are nice but fruit smoothies and trail mix will get me svelte. Finally I will give myself one day a week to enjoy some of the naughty things but instead of large portions, smaller ones will delight my palate and satisfy.
My physical activity will increase. Walking is on the agenda. Instead of riding everywhere if possible part of the journey will be on my own two feet. Instead of dancing for business only I will enjoy what I love and increase my repertoire. I think Burlesque, Salsa and Tango are on the list. The classes I teach will benefit because it is time for a fresh, new outlook with energy and creativity.
My body is ready to regain its strength. I have cleared it for a healthy new lifestyle and I am energized and filled with purpose. My body will be the outward manifestation of the brand new “old” me.
The Cleanse – The Last Days
The last 3 days were more of the same but I felt completion. It is a good feeling to know that this month is done. Not because I am ready to gorge on cupcakes and fried chicken but because I did it. A task started and finished.
The physical – Ate my usual fare of vegetables, fruits, beans and nuts. Drank a lot of Bolthouse Green Goddess and Vfusion.
The emotional – No huge lightning bolts hit me but I do feel stronger, more whole.
The spiritual – Prayed, read and feel closer to God. Not a bad thing at all.
Why is this so brief because my head is full of thoughts about my cleanse as a whole and going forward from this day. I feel wonderful.
The Cleanse – The Last Weekend
The month is almost done and I have learned a lot along the way. My plan going forward is to not make this a onetime act in my life but a change. It has been a lesson in restraint and commitment. It was a time to open my heart and let go of bad feelings. I found my path back to the Creator. Good things are on the horizon and I am open to all things possible.
The physical – I learned something about myself. I like to chew things! My plan was to go on a juice, smoothies fast to end my cleanse and get ready for the photo shoot on the third but that was a bust. Friday found me losing my mind quietly dying for something to chew. So I had to add back nuts and some food to give myself something to chew on. I will continue my eating until the 3rd of April. My hula hoop has arrived and I will begin using it to whittle away my middle and develop a new class. Also I have a new thought in my head for a class Belly Dance Fitness – the Cardio Edition. This class will be a hour of continuous movement. I can’t wait to teach it.
The menu- I haven’t been as good about my portions so here is the complete list for the weekend Friday – Sunday with total cost.
2 lbs fruit and nut trail mix $9.25
1 bottle VFusion Acai berry fruit drink $4.00
1 bottle Bolthouse Green Goodness drink $5.60
1 side Quench Sauteed Spinach $2.40
1/3 Quench Italian Salad $2.00
Foodlife $10.00 meal of salad, lentil soup and tea (hanging with the Diva on Friday)
1 side of Daley’s black-eyed peas $2.00
1 gallon water free
Total $35.25
The emotional – April will find me in court facing my ex-husband for the first time in over a year. I hope I am ready. This month is about helping me release the anger. So I will spend the last few days dealing with this anger because if I can’t let go he wins and I am less because of it. Sometimes emotional cleansing is about relaxing and living. This weekend was filled with family and friends. It was fun and carefree sometimes it is just what the Dr. ordered. The caterpillar is coming out of her cocoon and soon the butterfly will emerge.
The spiritual – I have found prayer now a part of my day and by returning to the Creator blessings are coming my way. I also know that it is not only about getting blessings but giving blessings so I am working on ways to make giving a daily part of my life.
Oops I started work on my latest blog yesterday and totally forgot about my baby over here. I feel so neglectful like a parent with a newborn that is so busy with the baby forgets about the older child for a moment and only for a moment it is. My exciting news for this week is I was booked for a photo shoot! I can’t believe it. Me of the short stature and wide hips. This news solidified my plan for the end of my cleanse which is to do a juice fast. This will extend my cleanse a few days because I would like to be a little slimmer before the day.
The physical - My cousin told me that this would be the hardest week and she was right. I have been craving fried rice constantly. I can’t wait to enjoy fried rice and a veggie egg roll. In the words of my great niece Soraya, Yum! Physically I am doing better no knee pain and the inches are beginning to come off. Day 23 I did my GSST ab routine and after over 600 standing ab exercises in less than 20 minutes my stomach said enough but come summer and my bikini worthy abs will thank me. Day 24 I ran and caught the train out to Matteson to join the Wednesday class. I told them to bring their heels and I put them through a preview of the Urban Belly Dance class. When I finish developing it is going to be hot. (a side note: hmm spoke to soon. as I write I am popping my first Advils because believing I was Superwoman overdid it. Will lay down and prepare for my new class in Country Club Hills. I am so lucky to have glamourous instructors to take over at a moment’s notice.)
The Menu
Day 23 (I OD’d on fruit and nut trail mix.)
2 cups tea w/honey $1.20
1 lb of trail mix $5.00
64 oz water
Total $6.20 (not the best choice but didn’t mess up)
Day 24
3 oz sunflower seeds $.80
1 1/2 cup greens $2.25
1 cup cabbage $2.00
1 cup tea w/honey $.60
48 oz water free
Total $5.65
The emotional - My thoughts are becoming clearer. I am beginning to understand better what I desire in my life and now must work on how to get it. Sometimes i get so caught up in the busyness of life that you lose sight of your emotional well being. This get in touch time for me has shown me the error of my ways.
The spiritual - Day by day I am working on opening myself up to The Spirit. I am asking for God to show me the way and I am truly listening. I am willing to walk the rocky path. I feel my mother’s spirit because lately I have been thinking about foster children and for the people that knew Sally, they know that this is all my mother. Do I fight her pull on me or do I give in and become her daughter?
It is not easy becoming whole again. It takes courage. I am not the bravest person. Some days I am the cowardly lion in the Wiz. If asked what do I want? “I want to get the hell out of here” but I can’t as long as I breathe. So I must create a life of comfort and joy.
If you didn’t know by now I love talking. LOL So spent time talking and sharing. A fun day in front of the blue screen.
The physical – My food consumption was good. No changes to report except even in cleanse mode you have to watch out for old habits. I became bored and even though I wasn’t hungry, found myself munching on nuts. That was added calories that was not needed. The evening was spent again with the lovely Karima as she furthered my education on cleansing. Who knew that honey might not be the sweetener of choice? Might have to move on to agave nectar.
The menu
1 bowl sauteed vegetables $1.50
3 cups homemade trail mix $3.00
1 grapefruit $.60
2 cups tea/honey $1.20
64 oz water free
Total $6.30
The emotional - Sharing always brings out the best. Spent time reading and researching alternative therapies to practice to release my negative emotions and uplift. It is time to give my chakras a voice again. I must become one with my heart center.
The spiritual - Spirituality is about choices. You choose the path you walk. The Creator can know what he requires but until you make a decision, you will never reach your potential. That is his greatest gift to Man the power of choice. This month I am listening to what my heart tells me and finding the way back to my path.
A few more days but it is not over. I am feeling power build within me and am ready to explode with it all.
21 days, 3 weeks, hot dang! It is almost over. I must say that for all I am getting out of it. I can’t wait to give myself a little freedom. No I am not going to lose my mind but this girl will be having Champagne to celebrate her birthday. Woo Hoo!
The physical – Walked about 2 miles today and ate my usual fare. I made the best sauteed vegetables with fresh ginger and garlic, spiced with cumin, curry and turmeric. Awesome. The afternoon was spent with my instructor Karima as she gave her first private party, met some lovely ladies and spread belly dance to Joliet. Good day.
The menu -
2 bowls sauteed vegetables – $2.50
2 cups green tea w/honey $1.30
freebies
snack bag provided by Karima
2 cups trail mix
1 apple
1 orange
64 oz water
The emotional – I spent time on my personal negative lists. It is growing, Sheesh. The big thing I did is take a picture of the property I want for HipQuake. I am excited to create the vision board for the future of the business. I also continued reading about the Divine Feminine and Noetic Science. I am going to spend time regaining the gifts of intuition and awareness that lie dormant in all of us. I am now ignoring the chatter around me. Recently a few men from my past have shown up and felt the need to try and belittle me. Putting the blame of the past squarely on my shoulder. Instead of defending myself I have decided to ignore them. They are not worth my time and effort. There is a reason you are in the past. Sayonara baby!
The spiritual – God spoke to me today. I had a moment of weakness. The ability to make some quick money was brought to my attention. Needing money as I do now I contemplated it. I sat back for a few minutes and my heart said no, this is not the way. I felt the rightness of the decision. I have been asking God to show me the path and I felt it right then. The Book of Genesis has shown me that sometimes the path is rocky but you must walk it. So I hunker down and work on my plan and make a way in the light I am bathed in.
10 more days left in this month and I have something else planned. Wait till you hear my madness. Later, gator!
The days are flying by so quick I totally forgot to put fingers to keys and write. So I look over the last two days and commit to memory my journey.
The physical - The greatest challenge besides my infinite cravings for all the foods I love is finding a way to be around people while they eat and not cheat. Let’s face it a lot of socializing is based on food. You meet up with friends and have lunch. You get together at a person’s home and have cocktails and snacks. Food is about comfort and hospitality. I have found myself spending a lot of time by myself just because it is easier than breathing in the scents of wonderful food while I munch on carrots and sip on water. However the times I have been faced with food I am proud to say that I didn’t give in. Day 19 I walked 3 miles and Day 20 due to weather stayed in and cleaned my house.
The menu Day 19
1/3 lb dried fruit and nut trail mix I made from Aldi’s (you can purchase nuts and dried fruit very reasonable to create your own mix) $1.50
banana $.30
grapefruit $.60
1 lb baby carrots $1.00
2 cups green tea w/honey $1.00
64 oz water free
Total $4.30
The menu Day 20
1/3 lb dried fruit and nuts $1.50
1 grapefruit $.60
1/2 lb strawberries $1.50
1 lb of assorted raw vegetables $2.25
2 cups green tea w/honey $1.00
80 oz water free
Total $6.85
The emotional - Spent some time with a cousin and as I helped her pack her things to move we discussed life, love and other subjects. It is always fun to hang out with family and reconnect. I now am facing my demons. I have a list and it is almost done. I collect the things I need for my vision board. The books I need to help clear my vision. The plan is coming together. I am ready to let go and grow in a big way.
The spiritual - Still finding my way along this path. I know that this is not about eye opening revelation but acceptance and learning. I am ready to listen to the path that is laid out for me. I want to be strong enough to walk on it. I know that my spirituality is not about judging others but accepting the differences in us all and embracing them.
The last few days are upon me and I am getting used to the path that I am on and must decide how to continue. Honestly this time has empowered me and I hope to not fall back into bad habits. Even though I crave so many things I know my head will keep me in line.
As I write this post I feel so narcissistic. Who cares about the minutiae of my day? Am I really this full of myself? Okay yes I am narcissistic and as I write and post it is more for me, to clarify where I am and where I am going.
The physical – Even though I dream of eating I am committed and heck it is almost over. So I go forward not looking back. Physical I am almost 100%. I walked 2 miles while lugging all of my belly dance gear. I taught a combo class of belly dance and GSST. The ladies spent half of the class learning Beauty by Dru Hill. They didn’t finish the dance but the first two verses are awesome. On the GSST side I worked their back, chest and abs out. They never knew holding a towel could be such hard work. LOL
The menu -
1 bowl of great northern beans $.50
1 grapefruit $.80
1 cup green tea w/honey $.40
Freebies
48 oz water
1 bowl cabbage (Gretchen I love your food)
plantains with Thai chili sauce (ok not the best choice but they were delicious)
The emotional - My list is growing as I make an honest assessment of the person I have become. For now I must deal with the negative. Later I will have a rah!rah! session and delve into my positive nature. On the light side have been allowing my creativity to blossom with my list of glam rules. They allow me to speak without offense and people seem to enjoy.
The spiritual - Sometimes when I listen and read the words of the righteous, it makes me cringe. We do not live in a world of black and white but of shades of gray. As I move forward I hope I never become a person that does not allow others their rights or feelings because they do not coincide with my own. Living with love is my hope to attain not a moral high ground that makes one feel superior.
This narcissistic, full of herself Glam girl is signing off for another day.
